Your Life in a Bowl of Cereal

Everybody loves breakfast cereal.  Talking about it, that is. Folks get a dreamy, faraway look in their eyes like they’re remembering their first kiss.  Or puppy.  Or car. And then they begin rhapsodizing about Alpha Bits or Boo Berry.

            Next time you need a conversation starter, give it a try.  In fact, you can try it out with me right now.  Like this: “What was your favorite brand of cereal growing up?”

            Thanks for asking.  Here’s my entire breakfast cereal dossier.

            Age 6 through 9: In descending order of preference – Rice Krispies, Corn Flakes, Raisin Bran (Kellogg’s not Post) and Cheerios.  All with enough sugar added to create slimy silvery milk goop.

            Age 10 through 12:  Cap’n Crunch. Multiple refills until the original milk – increasingly thick, grainy and orange – finally disappeared.

            Age 13:  Kix.  Life.  Cocoa Krispies.  Lucky Charms (charms only).

            Age 14: Cap’n Crunch.  Heroin. Relapse.

            Age 15 through 17:  Grape Nuts.  Wheat Chex (normally part of a nutritious breakfast but only as part of a snack mix to accompany soda).

            Age 18 through 21:  Grape Nuts.  Wheat Chex (again, only as part of a snack mix; this time to accompany beer).

            Age 22 through 25:  "Who has time for breakfast?"

            Age 26 through 29:  Honey Nut Cheerios.  For breakfast, for snack, for pre-party hangover-prevention, for after-party midnight snack, for morning-after hangover cure, for…

            Age 30:  Quaker Shredded Wheat

            Age 31 to 49:  Barbara’s Shredded Oats

            Never:   Frosted Flakes, Frosted Mini-Wheats, Trix, Froot Loops, Cocoa Puffs, Special K.  Or anything cinnamon-y.  Or apple-y.

            Now:  I stick mostly to oatmeal.  Although (shhh, this is a secret) I recently bought a box of Cap’n Crunch, drove it home, sneaked it into the house, hid it in a cupboard and enjoyed a bowl late at night when nobody was watching.  With vanilla soymilk.  Yum.  

            Then, later:  Yuck.  My teeth hurt.

            What is your favorite cold cereal?