Friday, January 25, 2013

Your Life in a Bowl of Cereal

Everybody loves breakfast cereal.  Talking about it, that is. Folks get a dreamy, faraway look in their eyes like they’re remembering their first kiss.  Or puppy.  Or car. And then they begin rhapsodizing about Alpha Bits or Boo Berry.
            Next time you need a conversation starter, give it a try.  In fact, you can try it out with me right now.  Like this: “What was your favorite brand of cereal growing up?”
            Thanks for asking.  Here’s my entire breakfast cereal dossier.
            Age 6 through 9: In descending order of preference – Rice Krispies, Corn Flakes, Raisin Bran (Kellogg’s not Post) and Cheerios.  All with enough sugar added to create slimy silvery milk goop.
            Age 10 through 12:  Cap’n Crunch. Multiple refills until the original milk – increasingly thick, grainy and orange – finally disappeared.
            Age 13:  Kix.  Life.  Cocoa Krispies.  Lucky Charms (charms only).
            Age 14: Cap’n Crunch.  Heroin. Relapse.
            Age 15 through 17:  Grape Nuts.  Wheat Chex (normally part of a nutritious breakfast but only as part of a snack mix to accompany soda).
            Age 18 through 21:  Grape Nuts.  Wheat Chex (again, only as part of a snack mix; this time to accompany beer).
            Age 22 through 25:  "Who has time for breakfast?"
            Age 26 through 29:  Honey Nut Cheerios.  For breakfast, for snack, for pre-party hangover-prevention, for after-party midnight snack, for morning-after hangover cure, for…
            Age 30:  Quaker Shredded Wheat
            Age 31 to 49:  Barbara’s Shredded Oats
            Never:   Frosted Flakes, Frosted Mini-Wheats, Trix, Froot Loops, Cocoa Puffs, Special K.  Or anything cinnamon-y.  Or apple-y.
            Now:  I stick mostly to oatmeal.  Although (shhh, this is a secretI recently bought a box of Cap’n Crunch, drove it home, sneaked it into the house, hid it in a cupboard and enjoyed a bowl late at night when nobody was watching.  With vanilla soymilk.  Yum.  
            Then, later:  Yuck.  My teeth hurt.
            What is your favorite cold cereal?


  1. As a kid, I was limited to low-sugar cereals, but still like Rice Krispies and Corn Flakes and Rice Chex and Crispix.

    Then there are the ones that are quasi-"healthy" that I now enjoy (Cinnamon Life and Cracklin' Oat Bran).

    And then there are the candy-in-the-cereal-aisle ones that I love: Reese's Puffs, and especially Kellogg's Krave. I almost never buy those, though, because my self-control is no match for their siren song.

    Mostly, I eat the various flavors of Better Oats and save the cold cereal for special occasions. :)

    1. Reese's Puffs??!! OH my lordy I have to check that one out...